Dear Mr Glazer
It is I, Divaldo Alves, tactical genius. I am writing this letter to you for the purpose of applying for the job of manager for your club, Manchester United.
Now, I hear you saying, "But Mr Alves, we already told you to bugger off the last time, simply because you don't have what it takes to manage at this level. Why do you think you can do better than that
To further stress my qualities, thanks to my efforts, Negeri Sembilan will be playing in a new league next season. Did your Moyes do that? Of course not, he can't even get you to the very prestigious Europa League, where you can travel to the hidden cities in Europe. I was also able to solve the problem of this misfiring striker we had, and once that was done, we were back in the scoring business. At this stage of the season in our league, we certainly would not be challenging for the AFC Cup. Instead, we were after better things, such as competing in a more competitive league (in my opinion). If this has not shown my capabilities, then I don't know what will.
Furthermore, I was questioned as to why I do not play youngsters during my time. It is ridiculous. Everyone knows you don't win anything with kids. That was why I insisted on playing the oldies, because of their experience. Never mind the fact that some of them clearly cannot play the full game anymore. If I were to manage your club, Ryan Giggs will start every match as a captain, and Zaha and Januzaj will be sold to some 3rd division club in Ukraine. Also, in spirit of Asian solidarity, I will give your star playmaker who wears the shirt number 26, Park Ji-Sung, a more prominent role in the squad. Unfortunately, due to Moyes' stupidity, Nemanja Vidic will be leaving your club, which is why I will be contacting Gary Pallister and see if he would like to be the main defender from next season.
I will be waiting for your answer. Which will definitely be 'yes', since no sane person would turn down a genius such as me