Jangs in Crisis?

 

Sampai bila kita nak kena jerut ni?

Negeri Sembilan FC buat perangai lagi bila main away, kali ni tewas kepada Melaka 2-0. Sebelum bermulanya perlawanan ni, Melaka berada di kedudukan tercorot dalam liga. Atas kertas, sepatutnya NSFC boleh menang la kan perlawanan ni? Malangnya, bola sepak tidak dimainkan di atas kertas. Jelas NSFC nampak bermasalah dekat atas padang. Lebih malang, selepas perlawanan tamat, ada penonton NSFC menghina ahli keluarga head coach, Nidzam Jamil. Page Ultrajang dekat Facebook diorang ada upload video dari angle yang dekat, dan dekat situ aku boleh nampak coach duk ulang "mak aku" dekat penonton tersebut. Jadi kalau dah sentuh keluarga tu, tak salah untuk coach bengis terhadap dia.

 

Coach pun kata, dia tak ada masalah kalau orang nak marah dia pasal bola. Jadi kita dekat sini, mari sembang bola. Kepada brader yang hina ahli keluarga coach tu, be a gentleman dan minta maaf dekat coach secara peribadi. Kita marah pasal bola jadi kita stick kepada bola.

 

Jadi, apa masalahnya? Pemain tak bersungguh-sungguh? Jurulatih tak komited? Ada unsur sabotaj nak jatuhkan NSFC?

 

Korang ni, overthinking la. Jadahnya orang nak jatuhkan NSFC. Siapa kita sampai orang nak sabotaj? Pemain pun mustahil la tak berusaha kalau korang tengok betul-betul cara permainan diorang. Senang cerita, team lain dah reti adjust nak hadap gameplay NSFC.

 

Stadium pun nampak usang, siapa nak jatuhkan NSFC?

Pertama, satu benda aku perasan sejak lawan Penang hari tu, team-team bawahan ni, mereka akan ambil kesempatan terhadap defensive line NSFC dengan kelajuan penyerang diorang. Cara coach set up team NSFC ni, akan meninggalkan dua orang centreback je untuk bertahan. Ditambah dengan posisi diorang yang agak tinggi ni, pihak lawan hanya memerlukan through ball yang dimainkan belakang centrebacks NSFC untuk dikejar penyerang diorang dan mendapatkan peluang gol yang mudah. Lawan Penang hari tu pun nasib baik ada 2 gol diorang offside, kalau tidak lagi teruk team kita kena belasah petang tu.

 

Kedua, melihat pada komposisi pasukan NSFC ni, nampak team ni dibina untuk counter-attack sebenarnya. Cuba tengok balik. Selvan, Motika, Takumi, Luqman, Mio, semua ada kelajuan, semua boleh dribble bola dengan elok. Tengok dekat Alex, macam mana dia pass. Dia akan pass ke kawasan untuk polosit-polosit tu kejar untuk sambung serangan NSFC. Masalahnya...Alex sorang je boleh bagi bola macam tu. Pemain-pemain midfield yang lain tak ada yang boleh pass macam Alex. Malah, tak perlu nak kata pass macam Alex. Nak bawak bola naik atas pun macam takut-takut. Kalau team lawan berjaya tutup ruang, main parking bas, dah cepat mati serangan NSFC. Tengok Melaka hari tu main macam mana. Park the bus. Tak bagi ruang langsung wingers NSFC guna kelebihan kelajuan tu. Dan NSFC pun macam tak ada idea macam mana nak pecahkan Melaka punya low block.

 

Satu lagi aku nak sentuh, yang bagi aku jadi punca kita hilang 2 mata lawan Terengganu, adalah in-game management. Hujung game, aku tengok NSFC macam tak pasti nak bunuh game macam mana. Cari satu lagi gol? Pegang bola sampai wisel penamat? Kesudahannya, dua-dua tak dibuat, last-last Terengganu dapat gol penyamaan lewat dalam masa kecederaan. Sepatutnyalah, kalau dah masuk masa kecederaan tu nampak susah sangat nak dapat satu lagi gol, kau bunuh je la game dengan bawak bola tu, hold dekat corner flag lawan. Tak pun suruh la Azri baring lama sikit macam Syihan punya masterclass lawan Johor dulu ke, buat-buat injured dekat kawasan team lawan ke. Apa-apa je nak bazirkan masa sebab ref pun tambah 3 minit je masa tu. Sekali lagi, tengok Melaka buat apa hujung-hujung game hari tu. Tinggalkan satu, dua pemain je dekat tengah padang. Lain semua turun bertahan. Dapat bola, clear dekat yang tengah padang tu, bawak bola, hold dekat corner flag. Itu yang NSFC patut buat lawan Terengganu, tapi gagal nak laksanakan.

 

Dan, bagi aku, untuk game lawan Melaka hari tu (asyik pasal lawan Melaka je), aku tak rasa Alex diperam dekat bench. Ya betul, seeloknya dia patut ada dalam kesebelasan utama, tapi kena ingat Alex ni baru pulih dari kecederaan, dan aku boleh agak coach tak nak rush dia main balik. Cumanya, bila An Sang Su jadi kau punya playmaker, memang backfire la plan nak slow-slow masukkan balik Alex tu. Sorry to say but An Sang Su should be nowhere near the matchday squad. Just because he's an import player, doesn't mean we have to play him. Aku faham logik coach letak Alex dekat bench dulu, tapi macam aku cakap tadi, bola sepak bukan dimainkan atas kertas.

 

"Tadi kau kata player main bersungguh-sungguh? Mana ada. Macam hauk main ada la"

 

OK. Main hauk, tak bermakna kau tak bermain bersungguh-sungguh. Tengok team season lepas. Kena kitai kiri kanan. Tapi, aku tak boleh salahkan usaha diorang. Team season lepas, aku tengok jarang la tak bagi effort. Cumanya, siling kebolehan diorang semua takat tu je la. Memang berapa kerat je pun aku rasa boleh main level Liga Super. Entah-entah kalau main Liga M3 pun ada yang hanyut.

 

Sama la dengan pemain-pemain season ni. Semua aku tengok bagi effort. Kalau dia dah slow, bukan bermakna dia tak berusaha. Kau lenjan basikal kau macam mana pun, laju mana je kau boleh pergi. Dari segi komitmen pemain, aku tak rasa ada masalah.

 

Untuk penyokong NSFC la kan, aku rasa, kita kena tengok balik apa kita target daripada team kita season ni. Betul, kita banyak hilang mata bodoh-bodoh je. Dan aku pun marah jugak jadi macam tu. Benda boleh menang, kau pergi sedekah point kat team lawan. Tapi kena ingat, season lepas kita nombor 12 daripada 13 dalam liga. Selamat MFL terdesak nak cukupkan korum je, tu yang tak tersingkir ke Liga M3. Jadi aku rasa, kita target team kita dapat mid-table pun ok dah. Kita perlu bersabar sikit nak bentuk team kita elok-elok. Korang tengok je la senarai skuad kita, lepas daripada kesebelasan utama tu, berapa ramai je sebenarnya yang betul-betul capai top level Liga Super. Bagi masa sikit, bagi duit tu masuk elok-elok supaya dalam terdekat ni, pengurusan dapat perbaiki lagi team kita dari atas sampai bawah. Sabar jang, sabar milah, jangan la bongih bona macam kalah judi lopeh team kito kalah.

 

TAPI, pemain-pemain ni, jangan berani pulak nak ikut sabar tu. Tu nasihat untuk penyokong, bukan korang. Ada satu interview Kobe Bryant ni, dia pun kata, penyokong Los Angeles Lakers kena sabar dengan prestasi team diorang sebab ramai pemain muda, dan diorang belum betul-betul matang lagi. Tapi lepas tu dia sound pemain-pemain muda tu. Diorang sendiri tak boleh bersabar. Diorang kena hari demi hari tu ada peningkatan. Tak boleh nak rilek-rilek, santai-santai nak capai target. Setiap hari nak kena push untuk jadi lagi baik. Jadi, penyokong diharap bersabar, tapi pemain-pemain, esok kena lagi baik daripada hari ni. Jangan pernah berpuas hati. Klik sini untuk baca interview tu.

 

Coach, ada masa lagi ni nak perbaiki dari segi taktikal ni. Kena fokus pada defensive positioning, cari plan alternatif bila team lawan main low block, dan atasi kenaifan bila tengah lead tipis tu. Pastikan pemain-pemain semua boleh percaya pada semua rakan sepasukan, jangan bagi ada yang ikut kepala sendiri bila atas padang. Suruh diorang pass lagi bola tu, bukan setakat dribble ke jalan mati. Kalau ada team yang betul-betul buat analisa permainan NSFC, gunakan diorang sebaik habis. Review balik perlawanan-perlawanan sebelum ni. 2 minggu ni, tahan je la pemain-pemain ni suruh diorang buat training selagi mana tak melanggar akta buruh dekat Malaysia ni. Asalkan jangan tetiba buat kerja gila main back 3 macam Amorim sudah. Hari tu dah kena 4-0 dengan Selangor guna taktik tu. Jauhilah back 3. Cukuplah aku tengok satu je team aku main sistem bangang tu.

 

"Negeri Sembilan must suffer in order to survive relegation" - Amorim, probably

 

Takkan Dah Nak Mengalah?

 

Bermulanya malam yang perit...

 

 

Kalah 4-0 dekat home. Pedih kan? Sakit hati kan? Siapa je yang suka tengok team sendiri kena robek macam tu kan? Aku sendiri pun masa balik rumah tu rasa nak cari punching bag nak buat lepas geram. Tapi, cukup la kita marah 24 jam je (lain la kalau korang pun sokong Liverpool sekali lol).

Weekend ni, 25 Oktober, Negeri Sembilan main lagi dekat Paroi, lawan PDRM lagi sekali, tapi kali ni untuk Liga Super pulak. Hari tu game home Piala FA kita dah menang 5-0 lawan diorang. Rasa macam kita takde team lain nak lawan kan, asyik jumpa Selangor dengan PDRM je. Tapi takpe, lawan la berapa kali pun, janji dapat 3 mata.

Kat sini la yang aku nak hasut, penuhkan la STAR of Paroi tu lagi weekend ni. Kalau boleh, maintain la sampai habis season. Bukan apa, kat FB tu aku tengok, ramai yang datang tu, macam-macam diorang mintak upgrade, dari parking, toilet, sampai la performance team atas padang tu sendiri. Dan tak salah pun benda yang diorang mintak tu. Betul la tu mintak upgrade untuk keselesaan ramai. Yang tak manis tu, lepas kena belasah dengan Selangor hari tu, dah ada yang suruh ramai-ramai ni boikot game Nismilan lepas ni.

Sebagai pemegang season pass 4 musim berturut-turut, meh sini den koba sikit: 

EKAU TAK NAK DATANG STADIUM, ITU IKUT SUKO EKAU, TAKDO SAPO NAK HALANG. TAPI JANGAN SESEKALI EKAU AJAK BOIKOT, TAKDO SAPO YANG UNTUNG NANTI.

Macam aku cakap, aku faham korang sakit hati tengok game hari tu. Taktik Nidzam Jamil memang out malam tu, lagi-lagi bila Alex tak boleh main, kita dah tak ada playmaker langsung. Jadi kita memang tak ada control dekat midfield. Wingbacks kita malam tu pun performance memang out. Tapi, bila korang ajak boikot game ni, yang ruginya bukan setakat team Nismilan tu, tapi kita yang jadi penyokong ni sekali. Kenapa?

Senang cerita la kan, Nismilan ni takde putera raja yang pam duit dalam team macam hari esok. Jadi sumber kewangan kita ni memang kena dibina secara organik. Satu benda aku puji management sekarang ni adalah diorang mampu menarik ramai penaja kalau nak dibandingkan dengan management lama. Tapi duit penaja je tak cukup. Kena la penyokong datang ramai-ramai penuhkan stadium supaya boleh tambahbaik kewangan team.

Sifir mudah, kita anggap la satu tiket tu RM20. Hari tu punya attendance 25500. Jadi, kiralah, 20 darab dengan 25500 berapa? Bandingkan dengan season lepas, nak dapat 500 orang pun semput. 20 darab 500 pulak berapa?

Ada pulak yang aku nampak komplen, sampai bila nak management nak ulang guna perkataan "proses"? OK aku tolong sikit dekat sini. Rajinkan diri cari game Football Manager, tak kisah tahun berapa, 2022 ke atas pun dah OK. Lepas tu, kau start game baru, jadi coach Nismilan. Main la dalam 5 season gitu. Perhatikan berapa attendance korang kat home setiap game, lepas tu korang check berapa income korang dapat daripada attendance je dekat bahagian finances. Upgrade apa segala training facilities, youth facilities tu, dan try sambar player yang power, tak kisah la import ke local. 

Lepas tu, kau bukak editor, tukar average attendance Nismilan ni jadi, tak perlu full house pun, cukup dalam 30000 gitu (full house Paroi dalam game ni masih 40000), start game baru, ulang balik sama macam dekat atas. Mana yang buat korang lagi senang nak buat upgrade, dapat player bagus semua tu?

Apa kaitan main Football Manager dengan "proses"? Kat sini la aku nak tunjuk, kelajuan proses nak upgrade team ni, ada kaitan dengan penyokong jugak. Step paling simple nak tolong team, kita penuhkan stadium setiap home game, biar duit tu terus masuk. Sama la macam korang nak beli iPhone baru. Mana lagi senang, bila gaji RM2500 ke, bila gaji RM5000? Dua-dua pun boleh je nak beli, tapi bila gaji lagi besar mesti lagi cepat korang boleh sambar, kan? Kalau kau bosan dengan perkataan "proses" yang management duk ratib tu, datang la ke stadium. Dalam tu, kau nak maki ke, duduk diam ke, nak chant ke, tak nak chant ke, berselfie dari start sampai awal ke, terpulang pada kau, asalkan kau dah beli tiket.

Lagipun, takkan korang tak nak pastikan kita kalahkan team lain semua bab kehadiran ke stadium ni? Takkan dah nak mengalah? Kita Nismilan, tunjukkan kita boleh terus sokong sampai team kita kantoi palsukan dokumen pemain 'warisan' akhir hayat kita semua. Kita konsisten penuhkan stadium, mudah lagi sepatutnya management untuk perbaiki apa yang patut dengan team kita ni. Kita buat bahagian kita, lagi ada hak nak maki sebenarnya kalau diorang gagal dengan bahagian diorang.

Untuk yang dah tak nak datang tu, aku hormati keputusan korang. Dan sebenarnya kalau boikot ramai-ramai ni, lagi memudahkan aku nak keluar masuk stadium, lepas tu duduk dekat port biasa aku yang dah kena conquer dengan orang yang masuk pukul 6.30 tu. Tapi, yang ni, aku sorang je yang untung. Nismilan tak untung langsung. Jadi aku rela bersesak ni supaya kalau aku ada anak nanti, Nismilan boleh jadi kitorang punya kebanggaan. Tak nak datang, takpe, tapi jangan menghasut yang lain.

Jom penuhkan stadium sampai habis season. Sorak atau maki, maki atau sorak, kita buat dekat STAR of Paroi. Tuntut kemenangan setiap game, dan kita bantu team jadikan Paroi ni kubu kebal kita sekali lagi.

Divaldo Alves' Manchester United Job Application

Dear Mr Glazer

It is I, Divaldo Alves, tactical genius. I am writing this letter to you for the purpose of applying for the job of manager for your club, Manchester United.

Now, I hear you saying, "But Mr Alves, we already told you to bugger off the last time, simply because you don't have what it takes to manage at this level. Why do you think you can do better than that Scottish idiot David Moyes? And were you not sacked by your last club?". Well, this is where you are mistaken. It is obvious that your club is in dire need of a tactical mastermind such as myself, since David Moyes did such a terrible job. How can one only pick up 6 points and 6 goals against the league's top 7, in which 4 of the points came against Arsenal? Add to the fact that Liverpool, Manchester City, and Everton did the double over you. Everton!. In my time as manager of Negeri Sembilan, we have never lost by more than 2 goals, an indication of my tactical ingenuity, and we certainly picked up more than a point against our rivals. Sadly, genius is never appreciated during its time, which is why my time with them was short.

To further stress my qualities, thanks to my efforts, Negeri Sembilan will be playing in a new league next season. Did your Moyes do that? Of course not, he can't even get you to the very prestigious Europa League, where you can travel to the hidden cities in Europe. I was also able to solve the problem of this misfiring striker we had, and once that was done, we were back in the scoring business. At this stage of the season in our league, we certainly would not be challenging for the AFC Cup. Instead, we were after better things, such as competing in a more competitive league (in my opinion). If this has not shown my capabilities, then I don't know what will.

Furthermore, I was questioned as to why I do not play youngsters during my time. It is ridiculous. Everyone knows you don't win anything with kids. That was why I insisted on playing the oldies, because of their experience. Never mind the fact that some of them clearly cannot play the full game anymore. If I were to manage your club, Ryan Giggs will start every match as a captain, and Zaha and Januzaj will be sold to some 3rd division club in Ukraine. Also, in spirit of Asian solidarity, I will give your star playmaker who wears the shirt number 26, Park Ji-Sung, a more prominent role in the squad. Unfortunately, due to Moyes' stupidity, Nemanja Vidic will be leaving your club, which is why I will be contacting Gary Pallister and see if he would like to be the main defender from next season.

I will be waiting for your answer. Which will definitely be 'yes', since no sane person would turn down a genius such as me

Geniusly yours,
Divaldo Alves

Furious Storm (Part 1)

Night falls on HMS Mariner Venture. The ship's crew gets set for a shift change, allowing those on the day shift to get a well-earned rest. They've been on the rescue mission for quite some time now, but they still have not seen any sign of the shipwreck.

First Officer Robert Martin heads down to the dining hall, looking forward to Fajita Friday. A hot, piping batch is served just as he enters the dining hall. Grabbing a plate and taking what he needs, he settles down at a table at the corner. The rest of the crew know well enough by now that whenever he picks that table, he wants to be left alone with his thoughts. A lot of things run through his mind, but the most prominent of all - he just wants to go home, back to seeing his family and friends, with this being his final involvement with the navy. Though he likes the regimented lifestyle, he figured it is time to lead a normal life, with a professional job. He starts eating his fajitas, and before he knows it, he's cleaned off the whole plate.

Two weeks later...

The crew on board HMS Mariner Venture are getting excited. They just spotted a huge debris field of what they believe to be of the missing ocean cruiser, the Majestic Hope. All the rescue equipment has been put on standby, waiting for the command to be deployed. After getting the clearance, the equipment is deployed, hoping to find survivors, although they know any chance of that is very slim.

"Hey, is that a guy over there?"

Private Russell Lane's shout got the attention of some of the rescuers. Quickly, a couple of speedboats change their course to the location Lane pointed out. Sure enough, they found a man on one of the floating debris. Unfortunately, he was long gone. The rescuers retrieve him from the debris, and put him in a body bag. For a few hours, they scoured the area, and with the help of other ships that joined the rescue mission, they recovered most of the bodies of the victims of the wreck.

Lane's crew arrive on deck, together with the bodies they recovered. Robert helps them carry the bodies to a holding section. After finishing the task, he got a little curious.

"Mind if I look at the bodies?" he asks the ship doctor.

"Not really, just don't contaminate them any further" is the reply.

He runs through their faces one by one. Whatever emotion he has while looking at the faces, he keeps it hidden really well. Then, he stops at one of them, taking a long, hard look at the face. It is of a man, who is of similar age as Robert himself. Slowly, Robert breaks into a smile and whispers...

"Finally. It's been years, but you're finally dead. What took you so long?"

To be continued...

Divaldo Alves' Application Letter For The Manchester United Job

Dear Mr Glazer

It is I, Divaldo Alves, tactical genius. I am writing this letter to you for the purpose of applying for the job of manager for your club, Manchester United.

Now, I hear you saying, "But Mr Alves, we already have a manager. Why on earth do we need you? And were you not sacked by your last club?". Well, this is where you are mistaken. It is obvious that your club is in dire need of a tactical mastermind such as myself, since David Moyes seems to be doing a terrible job. How can one pick up only 1 point and 1 goal against 3 of your rivals? Add to the fact that you lost 4-1 to Manchester City. In my time as manager of Negeri Sembilan, we have never lost by more than 2 goals, an indication of my tactical ingenuity, and we certainly picked up more than a point against our rivals. Sadly, genius is never appreciated during its time, which is why my time with them was short.

To further stress my qualities, thanks to my efforts, Negeri Sembilan will be playing in a new league next season. Can your Moyes do that? Of course not. I was also able to solve the problem of this misfiring striker we had, and once that was done, we were back in the scoring business. At this stage of the season in our league, we certainly would not be challenging for the Europa League. Instead, we were after better things, such as competing in a more competitive league (in my opinion). If this has not shown my capabilities, then I don't know what will.

Furthermore, I was questioned as to why I do not play youngsters during my time. It is ridiculous. Everyone knows you don't win anything with kids. That was why I insisted on playing the oldies, because of their experience. Never mind the fact that some of them clearly cannot play the full game anymore. If I were to manage your club, Ryan Giggs will start every match as a captain, and Zaha and Januzaj will be sold to some 3rd division club in Ukraine. Also, in spirit of Asian solidarity, I will give your star playmaker who wears the shirt number 26, Park Ji-Sung, a more prominent role in the squad.

And yes, while I realize that Moyes engineered a win over Liverpool last night, it is a feat which is expected from any manager really. Which is why I will be taking over, since he already lost the first time around.

I will be waiting for your answer. Which will definitely be 'yes', since no sane person would turn down a genius such as me

Geniusly yours,
Divaldo Alves

J.A.N.G - Mangkuk Botingkek

Jang!!
Mangkukmu botingkek tingkek 5x
Den nak layan pun dah ponek

Koba nak gi rayo
Torpakso tunggu lamo
Tunggu oghang tompi takdo
Ekau pulak nak mongado
Den balik bilik ekau takdo
Takdo koba poie mano
Elok ekau balik Kolumpo
Dah la tak ghoti tutup lampu

Mangkukmu botingkek tingkek (7x)
Den nak layan pun dah ponek

Koba nak gi rayo
Torpakso tunggu lamo
Tunggu oghang tompi takdo
Ekau pulak nak mongado
Den balik bilik ekau takdo
Takdo koba poie mano
Elok ekau balik Kolumpo
Dah la tak ghoti tutup lampu

Mangkukmu botingkek tingkek
Den nak layan memang ponek
Baik den duk kek Bongek
Lopeh tu drive ko Gomeh
Jangan kito nyusahkan oghang
Tak kiro samo milah ko jang
Nanti kito gak yang susah
Apo kito nak jawab kaghang?

Ekau jangan solalu suko-suko
Tak lamo nanti borduko
Mari kito poie rayo
Boleh jumpo kawan baghu
Jangan malu nak tanyo namo
Nanti boleh lepak samo-samo
Ado satu den nak mintak tolong
Dah bosa nanti kito semuo jangan dilupo

Sosal komudian takdo guno
Den ghaso mombazir maso
Tolong boli tiket tuk ekau
Tompi ekau lari maso rayo
Ekau buek den paneh
Darah den dah mondidih
Den nak koba satu bondo
Ekau memang mangkuk tingkek

Mangkukmu botingkek tingkek 7x
Den nak layan pun dah ponek

Okay esey on
ekau pun on
Tengok sapo laie champion
Meh kito poie pantai
Sapo monang monyolam (you're on!)

Ekau hari hari poie gym
Lopeh tu nak tunjuk body
Ekau jangan jobo bona
Kalau ekau tak nak bolaja

Nismilan susah nak monang
Takpo Pialo Malaysia kito pogang
Biar musuh kito bongang
Bilo tengok pialo Tok Mat julang

You're in The State of Nine, that blog of mine
Makin parodies ain't a crime
Den suko mo JB
Tompi bukan si ponyanyi
Meh sini den kobakan
Jenson Button la, sapo laie
Milah jangan la monangih
Bilo den koba dio tak ghoti nyanyi
Somban waghih representin
& everyone knows who runs it
This aint about me this about the city
Jangan kito lupo asal usul
Bilo dah borjayo jangan jobo
Nanti oghang tinggalkan ekau
Kawan pun dah lari samo
Up down kito samo
Jangan ditolak topi, kito rugi
Tak payah duk koja milah
Last last kojo kutip sampah
Hujung minggu lepak Pilah
Samo-samo layan shisha
Lepak dongan kawan, best what!

Tak salah koja ghoto
Boli apo ekau suko
Tompi kalau duit ekau takdo
Takyah boli kot tak mampu

Budak sokaghang sumo nak sonang
Tak nak koluar wang
Bilo dio dah boghutang
Dio pulak salahkan oghang

Mangkukmu botingkek tingkek 7x
Den nak layan pun dah ponek

Haha
Jang
Ekau yang terpilih

How Divaldo Alves' Day Went

TIME : Approximately 24 hours before kick-off
Huh. So PBNS have decided to put me on gardening leave ahead of tomorrow's clash against ATM. As if that's gonna do the team any good. The players haven't been playing that well anyway. Putting a local coach in charge? Like that's gonna make any difference. The team will lose tomorrow, and soon they will be all "oh great tactical genius Divaldo, please come back, we were wrong to drop you". And then I will be like, "You fools! You dare drop me, Divaldo Alves, in the idiotic thought that you might actually get a win? Now bow down to me and admit my tactical genius!"

TIME : 20 minutes before kick-off
Wait, no Marlon in the ATM lineup? No matter, they will win anyway, since this new guy is putting players out of position and will end up looking like a fool at the end of the game

TIME : 2nd minute
Holy crap, the jinx actually scored? This is not going according to plan at all. If Negeri win they will forget all about me and love the new guy. No matter, the team can't hold on to a lead for long anyway

TIME : Whenever it was that Hairuddin equalised
BOOM! Told ya! The team will never break their no-win streak. Not as long as I am around. Divaldo Alves, tactical genius!

TIME : Nazrin's goal
What the hell is going on? Nazrin scored? That kid always thought hitting the post counted as extra points. Maybe the new coach confused him into actually scoring? Witchcraft, definitely

TIME : Half-time (ATM 1-2 N9)
Okay, Divaldo, okay. There's still 45 minutes to go. ATM can win this for sure even without Hairuddin in the team and I can have my job back. The team could not win with I, tactical master Divaldo Alves, so what chance do they have with the new guy?

TIME : 60th minute
This is getting nervy. Since when do they know how to hold on to a lead?

TIME : 75th minute
With these substitutions the new guy made it clearly shows he doesn't know what he's doing. What more with players out of their positions. I can definitely see ATM getting 2 quick goals, and me getting my job back

TIME : 85th minute 
ATM JUST SCORE A DAMN GOAL FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!

TIME : Full-time (ATM 1-2 N9)
This is definitely not what I had in mind. It was I, Divaldo Alves, the tactical genius who was supposed to engineer a first win for the team this season and be hailed as a hero by the masses. Instead, a random newbie did it and the fans already love him. They were supposed to love me! Also, those glasses make him look stupid. Clearly I have a better fashion sense. I'd go to NS Betaria and ruin them, but they already did that to themselves. What next for me, you ask? I think the Everton job is available...

Harimau Malaya : The Future

This time around, we have not been able to defend our AFF Suzuki Cup title which we have won in 2010. That honour now belongs to Si***p**e. The question on most, if not all Harimau Malaya fans' lips is, "What now?"

True, in recent years we have seen some improvement in the way the team plays, but obviously this has not been enough. We have failed to progress in the World Cup qualifying rounds and, as stated above, failed to defend our title. To be truly successful, we must look beyond the Southeast Asia region. We must be challenging at a higher level

But are the players up for it?

In the series of friendlies just before the Suzuki Cup, I've noticed the team lacked cohesion in the overall gameplay, and this problem persisted into the tournament. The most obvious examples are the games against our southern neighbours and Thailand. We offered next to nothing in attack. The midfield wasn't exactly doing its job properly, thus resulted in the lack of killer balls in the attacking third and also exposing the back four to the opposition's threats. For me, Safiq has failed as a captain and a playmaker. While he was influential in the 2010 win, he was invisible during the tournament. His only noticeable contribution was that freekick against Laos (which was brilliant, by the way). However, you cannot expect to keep living on one good moment throughout the whole campaign

One of the bright sparks in the team was Wan Zack Haikal. Recently awarded S-League's Young Player of the Year award, he showed us that it is not all doom and gloom for our national team. In fact, I believe that he is in for a bright future if he is managed properly. Together with Mahalli Jasuli, our right flank can be deadly in attack, sort of like the Neville-Beckham combination at Manchester United

However, I believe if they keep plying their trade in Malaysia, they may not be able to fulfill their true potential

Let's be honest, do you really believe Malaysia-based players can go far? Certainly it would be better for our football if our players started playing in foreign countries. I am not talking about countries in Southeast Asia, as they are of similar level to us, but countries such as Japan, South Korea and Portugal. Sure I may sound like I'm talking out of my arse, but really these countries are superior to us not just in footballing performance, but training, facilities and youth development as well. Look at Nazmi Faiz. While he was playing in Malaysia, he can barely play a full match. Now reports are emerging from Portugal that he is now able to complete a full match thanks to advances in medical science and sports science facilities over there. Which teams in Malaysia have those kinds of facilities? Not many I suppose. Training sessions in those countries are also more intense, in the sense that the sessions are engineered around improving stamina and technique. Take a look at Manchester United. Why have they been able to snatch a win in injury time, time and time again (and no, it's not because of Fergie time). It's because even after playing for 90 minutes, they still have that bit energy to carry them over the finish line. I doubt many of our players can do that, save for a few such as Kunanlan, who just can't stop running

Now this is where I believe agents should come in (even though some are parasites, even more so on the Football Manager games). The players should have agents representing them so that they can be recommended to teams around the world. While securing a dream move to the EPL or La Liga may just be wishful thinking, there might be other clubs in top footballing countries who might be interested in the players. That's how Nazmi secured his move to Beira-Mar. As much as I don't like to admit it, agents can make or break a footballer's career. It is absolutely vital to have good connections so that multiple clubs might have an interest in the players

Earlier today, the Malaysian U-15 team beat their Slavia Praha counterparts 5-0 in the Frenz U15 International Cup. For those who don't know, Slavia's senior team currently play in the top flight of Czech football. Our youngsters are showing great potential. While they may not have been world class, they are rough diamonds who must be shined to carry our nation's name in the future. Which is why I believe they must play overseas instead of in Malaysia. If we compare our senior team's performance in 2010 and 2012, we can see there's been little to no progress. As I've told my friends, it's not that our players have gone backwards, it's just that they have not really progressed. Our playing style has been the same, there's been no improvements or adaptations to combat the oppositions' playing style. We can't keep hoofing the ball forward for the striker to chase, that's kampung-level football. The players need to work on their technique so we can play short passes and keep possession for a longer period of time. If the youngsters play in Malaysia, they will never improve since our training facilities and tactical mindset are not that great. They should emulate Nazmi and train hard to earn a move to a foreign club and hopefully improve leaps and bounds

Another reason why the youngsters fail at a higher level is purely academic pressure. Some parents believe that professional football will not benefit them in the long run. Others are simply the non-sporty types and do not want their kids to have anything to do with football. While studying is indeed important, this mindset must be changed. Their kids may be the quality players that Malaysia needs to step up to the next level and may even secure lucrative contracts. Let these kids play and develop their talents, for there may be a superstar in the making, but their futures are scuppered because of their parents

The future of our national team is bright, but only if it's managed properly. With the clowns at FAM running the show, and the usage of obsolete tactics at international level, I am highly skeptical of this. But I do hope to see our players playing in top leagues in Europe and Asia powerhouse countries


UPDATE : Nazmi, you suck

Czech prodigy set to sign for Negeri Sembilan?

 Artur Vlastislavic, Czech hotshot striker

With Negeri Sembilan's season effectively being over after being knocked out of the Piala Malaysia quarterfinals, the transfer rumour mill is at full swing, with Farizal Marlias having been already being confirmed to join Perak for next season. With the contract status of Jean-Emmanuel Effa Owona and Marian Farbak being major unknowns, the name Artur Vlastislavic has popped up, touted as a possible player to fully utilise the foreign player rules

 Vlastislavic is an 18-year-old Czech striker, who can also function as an attacking midfielder. Born in the town of Karviná in the year 1994, Vlastislavic was spotted by MFK Karviná scouts while he was playing in a regional football competition, during which he was the youngest player of the tournament at a tender age of 7. He joined the club's academy, and started playing in the U18 league at the age of 14. During this time, he bagged an impressive total of 102 goals after making 89 appearances, a club record. Vlastislavic has clearly impressed the manager, who persuaded him to sign a pre-contract deal when he was 16

However, Czech giants Sparta Prague caught wind of this raw talent, and snapped him up a year later. He is yet to feature in the first team so far, but he has been banging them in while playing for the U18 team, scoring 34 goals in 29 appearances. An ankle injury suffered while training last January has hampered his progress, but expect him to return to form once he recovers

Sources in Czech Republic state that scouts from several Malaysian teams, including Negeri Sembilan, were spotted at recent matches involving Sparta Prague's U18 team, apparently casting an eye on Vlastislavic. It remains to be seen whether these rumours hold any water, but should they be true, expect him to wear the yellow of Negeri Sembilan as the sources also indicated only the scout from Negeri Sembilan was present in all the matches mentioned  

if you actually believe this I feel sorry for you

Piala Malaysia 2012 - Negeri Sembilan vs ATM (Quarterfinal Preview)

It was almost inevitable, wasn't it? With the number of players departing to ATM, it was not a question of if, but when they would be facing Negeri Sembilan. In a week's time, six former Deer - Farizal Harun, Irwan Fadzli Idrus, Aidil Zafuan, Rezal Zambery Yahya, Zaquan Adha and Hairuddin Omar - would come face-to-face with their former teammates. Several Deer fans still have a soft spot for these players due to their services to the team, but come matchday, all sentiments will surely be forgotten

On paper, ATM are the favourites to win the tie, simply because of the sheer number of so-called stars in the team. But football is never won on paper (see Wigan vs Manchester United, season 2011/2012), and certainly not on Malaysian papers, where somehow we are always the underdogs even though we've made it to the final 3 times in a row now. Individuals do not make a team, and I'm fairly certain that collectively as a team, we are better than them

In goal, there will be the battle of the Farizals - Marlias for Negeri Sembilan and Harun for ATM. Both keepers have done well in their stints at NS last season, but judging from the few ATM matches I've seen on telly, it seems our Farizal (Mael) has a slight edge over Farizal Harun (Ijai). Having said that, Ijai has always had quick reflexes, so our strikers may need to find that extra something to beat him. Certainly I'd back Mael to keep out all the threats from ATM as he's been superb this season so far

I would fully expect coach Azraai to deploy Kuna and Shahurain (Kecik) as our main wingers. In the previous match Kuna was played at rightback, which for me restricted his play, as he is well known for the tireless, bombarding runs down the flank. The change was made to accommodate Thana on the left wing, who admittedly was key in our equaliser against Felda. It would be interesting to see who would the coach go with, but I'd start Kecik and Kuna, with Thana being the 'joker' on the bench

As for midfield, I would like to see Idris and Rashid being played there playing the roles of playmaker and enforcer respectively. Idris certainly has the quality to dictate play from the middle of the park, and it would be interesting to see him squaring up against Rezal, his partner-in-crime during their time together. I'm looking at Rashid to be the player who breaks up the opposition attacks in midfield. Sort of what Alif does, minus the yellow cards. If we can control the midfield, we can control the game, hence my rationale for those two mentioned above

Now in attack it's going to be fairly obvious - Owona and Khairul Izuan. These two - if I'm not mistaken - have started in all the matches in the tournament together so far. Owona is going to be a marked man, so Khairul Izuan needs provide an outlet for Owona. He needs to play off Owona, which means whenever Owona receives the ball, he should be ready for Owona to lay the ball off to him. Khairul certainly has pace, and needs to use that advantage to beat the ATM defence

In my eyes, ATM's key players will be Hairuddin, Marlon, Rezal and Aidil (Zaquan too if he plays). These are all quality players, and our team certainly have a huge task at hand to overcome them. However I have complete faith in the likes of Farbak and Rashid to quell these threats. Farbak for me would be key in our defence as he would be the one doing all the tackling, which has certainly saved us in many occasions

And if anything goes wrong, we always have this guy... 

------------------------------------------------------

I was lucky enough to attend the Piala Malaysia roadshow organized by Astro last Saturday. The main reason I was there was to meet the Negeri Sembilan players. I also took part in the fastest shot challenge, which unfortunately I did not win. But yeah the highlight of the day was taking some pictures together with the players

Here are some shots from the day

 

The real truth

So I'm guessing by now most, if not all, of you know what this "Oppa Gangnam Style" is? Well, if you don't, Google it yourselves, I'm not your mom. Anyway rumours are flying saying it has a sinister meaning related to becoming Jews and stuff. Well, that last bit is not true, but here's what it really means

Why hello there. Looks like you found the hidden message. Just so we're clear I don't even like this song

The dance moves are actually part of an ancient ritual called "Jisung Chuyoung", which basically means "sacrificing animals and humans to the demons of Gangnam". 'Gangnam' is actually named after a lost tribe in Korea who worshipped demons, and danced whenever they do the sacrifice ceremony. The tribe members would ride on horses to deliver the sacrifice to the "demon's lair" at the foot of Mount Duri, the tallest peak in Korea

 I'm just pointing out the ridiculousness of what some people are willing to believe

"Oppa" means "long live the eye" in the language of an ancient Amazon tribe called the "Garrincha". This could be dismissed as a coincidence, but do proceed to my next point

Yeah, I don't believe the above point either

What is more worrying however is that the tribe displayed traits of the Illuminati. So it is safe to assume that they were either part of the Illuminati, or were the founders themselves. Basically what this means is that whenever you listen and dance along to "Oppa Gangnam Style", you are actually doing what the Illuminati done ages ago. This, in effect, means you are supporting the movement without even realising it

Bull. Crap

So there you go. The song will turn you into Illuminati-supporting devil-worshippers. Oh, and there's something about the Freemasons as well. The shoes worn by the guy in the video has noticeable Freemason traits. Please spread this for the sake of not only Muslims, but all of humanity

If you actually do share this, man you are paranoid

promo free

Ijan's Burger dapat promo free. u jelly?

perilaku semasa cuti

dari aku tulis panjang-panjang apa aku buat time cuti, baik aku post gambar je, senang sikit dan korang pun mudah faham

begin slideshow

rasanya korang dah boleh rumuskan apa yang aku banyak buat bila x gi sekolah ni

So9 Exclusive : Mesyuarat Vetting Committee FAM

pictured above : the actual meeting

Dikhabarkan bahawa syarat pengambilan pemain import telah diubah selepas tarikh pendaftaran pemain Liga-M telah tamat. Syarat yang mengatakan bahawa hanya pemain dari negara yang mempunyai ranking lebih tinggi dari Malaysia pada 24 Ogos 2011 telah diubah kepada 24 November 2011 tanpa pengetahuan orang ramai dan ahli gabungan FAM. Kami di State of Nine membayangkan inilah yang berlaku pada mesyuarat yang mengubah syarat itu

Hamidin : Baik, mesyuarat mula bersidang sekarang. Semua tahu kan kenapa kita ada di sini?

Vetting Committee : ...

Hamidin : Baguslah kalau semua dah tahu. Kita kena ubah syarat yang berkaitan ranking negara pemain import tu, sebab aku baru perasan Lebanon ranking dia bawah Malaysia masa 24 Ogos tu

Vetting Committee : ...

Hamidin : Bukannya apa, kalau guna ranking 24 Ogos tu nanti pemain import Selangor tu tak boleh main dalam Liga-M nenti sebab tak layak. Tu sebab selama ni aku guna alasan 'klausa 19 & 20' tu. Kita ubah syarat, guna ranking terkini sebab Lebanon dah ada atas Malaysia. Adil kan untuk Selangor begini?

Vetting Committee : ...

Hamidin : Cantik la kalau semua dah setuju. Oh ya, jangan beritahu persatuan-persatuan lain yang pemain import diorang tak layak sampai tarikh tutup dah berlalu, faham? Biar Selangor je dapat  pemain yang terbaik. Pasukan lain tu semua tak penting untuk Liga-M. Tahun ni juga aku nak pastikan 'Misi 33' kami berjaya. Siapa yang halang akan kena hantar bekerja kat lombong arang batu kat Korea Utara

Vetting Committee : ...

Hamidin : Excellent. Dah, mari kita semua makan mi goreng dengan karipap, minum teh tarik. Ni semua aku guna duit tiket final Piala Malaysia hari tu. Jangan membazir tau. Susah nak perah duit banyak-banyak dari penyokong ni

Xavi : Cesc is suffering! *baling kerusi kat Hamidin   

got blackmailed

bah, you win. can't believe you got dirt on me

 hi there, i must've told you to go here

as I promised you, here's the video for the fanboys/fangirls

there's no biebtard/k-pop/whatever i told you it was video guys :)

still don't see what the fuss is all about though

 but there is a video of Rick Astley instead

click here : video

you've just been rick rolled :p

pueh hati korang?

pueh hati den!

News of the Future - Balotelli for Prime Minister

right-click, open in new tab to read the articles

no love for Anders?

FERGIE Y U NO LET ANDERS KEEP GOAL???

Bruno Saturn is now Bruno Mustafar

due to possible confusion between our Bruno and an actual 'Bruno Saturn', we are glad to announce that our Bruno has legally changed his name to 'Bruno Mustafar', after that volcanic planet on Star Wars that saw Obi-Wan and Anakin battle it out

in other news, this is a REALLY slow news day. kthxbai

The Golden Skateboards Award 2011 - Behind the Scenes

Ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes of this prestigious award? Today, you'll be able to discover the passion, the spirit, the professionalism and the togetherness of the awards team that enabled them to make Skaties 2011 a bigger success than last year

May this continue for the future. But right now, here are the behind-the-scenes pictures, captured by our own cameramen, who by the way don't earn a cent slaving for us

it was all hard work from day one

 a lot of research and tallying up were done

it did take it's toll on us

some affected worse than others

we even worked late into the night

up to the point where we were just mucking about

and totally forgetting the awards altogether

 but in the end we pulled together

it was tiring, for sure

heck, we never even left the building for a few days

but in the end, we all celebrated success

so we can make sure that this award is a huge success

A big thanks to all members of the team who made this all possible. And remember all the takeouts? You guys owe me for that