Monday, December 8, 2025

Jangs in Crisis?


 
Sampai bila kita nak kena jerut ni?

Negeri Sembilan FC buat perangai lagi bila main away, kali ni tewas kepada Melaka 2-0. Sebelum bermulanya perlawanan ni, Melaka berada di kedudukan tercorot dalam liga. Atas kertas, sepatutnya NSFC boleh menang la kan perlawanan ni? Malangnya, bola sepak tidak dimainkan di atas kertas. Jelas NSFC nampak bermasalah dekat atas padang. Lebih malang, selepas perlawanan tamat, ada penonton NSFC menghina ahli keluarga head coach, Nidzam Jamil. Page Ultrajang dekat Facebook diorang ada upload video dari angle yang dekat, dan dekat situ aku boleh nampak coach duk ulang "mak aku" dekat penonton tersebut. Jadi kalau dah sentuh keluarga tu, tak salah untuk coach bengis terhadap dia.
 
Coach pun kata, dia tak ada masalah kalau orang nak marah dia pasal bola. Jadi kita dekat sini, mari sembang bola. Kepada brader yang hina ahli keluarga coach tu, be a gentleman dan minta maaf dekat coach secara peribadi. Kita marah pasal bola jadi kita stick kepada bola.
 
Jadi, apa masalahnya? Pemain tak bersungguh-sungguh? Jurulatih tak komited? Ada unsur sabotaj nak jatuhkan NSFC?
 
Korang ni, overthinking la. Jadahnya orang nak jatuhkan NSFC. Siapa kita sampai orang nak sabotaj? Pemain pun mustahil la tak berusaha kalau korang tengok betul-betul cara permainan diorang. Senang cerita, team lain dah reti adjust nak hadap gameplay NSFC.
 
Stadium pun nampak usang, siapa nak jatuhkan NSFC?

Pertama, satu benda aku perasan sejak lawan Penang hari tu, team-team bawahan ni, mereka akan ambil kesempatan terhadap defensive line NSFC dengan kelajuan penyerang diorang. Cara coach set up team NSFC ni, akan meninggalkan dua orang centreback je untuk bertahan. Ditambah dengan posisi diorang yang agak tinggi ni, pihak lawan hanya memerlukan through ball yang dimainkan belakang centrebacks NSFC untuk dikejar penyerang diorang dan mendapatkan peluang gol yang mudah. Lawan Penang hari tu pun nasib baik ada 2 gol diorang offside, kalau tidak lagi teruk team kita kena belasah petang tu.
 
Kedua, melihat pada komposisi pasukan NSFC ni, nampak team ni dibina untuk counter-attack sebenarnya. Cuba tengok balik. Selvan, Motika, Takumi, Luqman, Mio, semua ada kelajuan, semua boleh dribble bola dengan elok. Tengok dekat Alex, macam mana dia pass. Dia akan pass ke kawasan untuk polosit-polosit tu kejar untuk sambung serangan NSFC. Masalahnya...Alex sorang je boleh bagi bola macam tu. Pemain-pemain midfield yang lain tak ada yang boleh pass macam Alex. Malah, tak perlu nak kata pass macam Alex. Nak bawak bola naik atas pun macam takut-takut. Kalau team lawan berjaya tutup ruang, main parking bas, dah cepat mati serangan NSFC. Tengok Melaka hari tu main macam mana. Park the bus. Tak bagi ruang langsung wingers NSFC guna kelebihan kelajuan tu. Dan NSFC pun macam tak ada idea macam mana nak pecahkan Melaka punya low block.
 
Satu lagi aku nak sentuh, yang bagi aku jadi punca kita hilang 2 mata lawan Terengganu, adalah in-game management. Hujung game, aku tengok NSFC macam tak pasti nak bunuh game macam mana. Cari satu lagi gol? Pegang bola sampai wisel penamat? Kesudahannya, dua-dua tak dibuat, last-last Terengganu dapat gol penyamaan lewat dalam masa kecederaan. Sepatutnyalah, kalau dah masuk masa kecederaan tu nampak susah sangat nak dapat satu lagi gol, kau bunuh je la game dengan bawak bola tu, hold dekat corner flag lawan. Tak pun suruh la Azri baring lama sikit macam Syihan punya masterclass lawan Johor dulu ke, buat-buat injured dekat kawasan team lawan ke. Apa-apa je nak bazirkan masa sebab ref pun tambah 3 minit je masa tu. Sekali lagi, tengok Melaka buat apa hujung-hujung game hari tu. Tinggalkan satu, dua pemain je dekat tengah padang. Lain semua turun bertahan. Dapat bola, clear dekat yang tengah padang tu, bawak bola, hold dekat corner flag. Itu yang NSFC patut buat lawan Terengganu, tapi gagal nak laksanakan.
 
Dan, bagi aku, untuk game lawan Melaka hari tu (asyik pasal lawan Melaka je), aku tak rasa Alex diperam dekat bench. Ya betul, seeloknya dia patut ada dalam kesebelasan utama, tapi kena ingat Alex ni baru pulih dari kecederaan, dan aku boleh agak coach tak nak rush dia main balik. Cumanya, bila An Sang Su jadi kau punya playmaker, memang backfire la plan nak slow-slow masukkan balik Alex tu. Sorry to say but An Sang Su should be nowhere near the matchday squad. Just because he's an import player, doesn't mean we have to play him. Aku faham logik coach letak Alex dekat bench dulu, tapi macam aku cakap tadi, bola sepak bukan dimainkan atas kertas.
 
"Tadi kau kata player main bersungguh-sungguh? Mana ada. Macam hauk main ada la"
 
OK. Main hauk, tak bermakna kau tak bermain bersungguh-sungguh. Tengok team season lepas. Kena kitai kiri kanan. Tapi, aku tak boleh salahkan usaha diorang. Team season lepas, aku tengok jarang la tak bagi effort. Cumanya, siling kebolehan diorang semua takat tu je la. Memang berapa kerat je pun aku rasa boleh main level Liga Super. Entah-entah kalau main Liga M3 pun ada yang hanyut.
 
Sama la dengan pemain-pemain season ni. Semua aku tengok bagi effort. Kalau dia dah slow, bukan bermakna dia tak berusaha. Kau lenjan basikal kau macam mana pun, laju mana je kau boleh pergi. Dari segi komitmen pemain, aku tak rasa ada masalah.
 
Untuk penyokong NSFC la kan, aku rasa, kita kena tengok balik apa kita target daripada team kita season ni. Betul, kita banyak hilang mata bodoh-bodoh je. Dan aku pun marah jugak jadi macam tu. Benda boleh menang, kau pergi sedekah point kat team lawan. Tapi kena ingat, season lepas kita nombor 12 daripada 13 dalam liga. Selamat MFL terdesak nak cukupkan korum je, tu yang tak tersingkir ke Liga M3. Jadi aku rasa, kita target team kita dapat mid-table pun ok dah. Kita perlu bersabar sikit nak bentuk team kita elok-elok. Korang tengok je la senarai skuad kita, lepas daripada kesebelasan utama tu, berapa ramai je sebenarnya yang betul-betul capai top level Liga Super. Bagi masa sikit, bagi duit tu masuk elok-elok supaya dalam terdekat ni, pengurusan dapat perbaiki lagi team kita dari atas sampai bawah. Sabar jang, sabar milah, jangan la bongih bona macam kalah judi lopeh team kito kalah.
 
TAPI, pemain-pemain ni, jangan berani pulak nak ikut sabar tu. Tu nasihat untuk penyokong, bukan korang. Ada satu interview Kobe Bryant ni, dia pun kata, penyokong Los Angeles Lakers kena sabar dengan prestasi team diorang sebab ramai pemain muda, dan diorang belum betul-betul matang lagi. Tapi lepas tu dia sound pemain-pemain muda tu. Diorang sendiri tak boleh bersabar. Diorang kena hari demi hari tu ada peningkatan. Tak boleh nak rilek-rilek, santai-santai nak capai target. Setiap hari nak kena push untuk jadi lagi baik. Jadi, penyokong diharap bersabar, tapi pemain-pemain, esok kena lagi baik daripada hari ni. Jangan pernah berpuas hati. Klik sini untuk baca interview tu.
 
Coach, ada masa lagi ni nak perbaiki dari segi taktikal ni. Kena fokus pada defensive positioning, cari plan alternatif bila team lawan main low block, dan atasi kenaifan bila tengah lead tipis tu. Pastikan pemain-pemain semua boleh percaya pada semua rakan sepasukan, jangan bagi ada yang ikut kepala sendiri bila atas padang. Suruh diorang pass lagi bola tu, bukan setakat dribble ke jalan mati. Kalau ada team yang betul-betul buat analisa permainan NSFC, gunakan diorang sebaik habis. Review balik perlawanan-perlawanan sebelum ni. 2 minggu ni, tahan je la pemain-pemain ni suruh diorang buat training selagi mana tak melanggar akta buruh dekat Malaysia ni. Asalkan jangan tetiba buat kerja gila main back 3 macam Amorim sudah. Hari tu dah kena 4-0 dengan Selangor guna taktik tu. Jauhilah back 3. Cukuplah aku tengok satu je team aku main sistem bangang tu.
 
"Negeri Sembilan must suffer in order to survive relegation" - Amorim, probably
 

Wednesday, October 22, 2025

Takkan Dah Nak Mengalah?

 

Bermulanya malam yang perit...
 
 
Kalah 4-0 dekat home. Pedih kan? Sakit hati kan? Siapa je yang suka tengok team sendiri kena robek macam tu kan? Aku sendiri pun masa balik rumah tu rasa nak cari punching bag nak buat lepas geram. Tapi, cukup la kita marah 24 jam je (lain la kalau korang pun sokong Liverpool sekali lol).

Weekend ni, 25 Oktober, Negeri Sembilan main lagi dekat Paroi, lawan PDRM lagi sekali, tapi kali ni untuk Liga Super pulak. Hari tu game home Piala FA kita dah menang 5-0 lawan diorang. Rasa macam kita takde team lain nak lawan kan, asyik jumpa Selangor dengan PDRM je. Tapi takpe, lawan la berapa kali pun, janji dapat 3 mata.

Kat sini la yang aku nak hasut, penuhkan la STAR of Paroi tu lagi weekend ni. Kalau boleh, maintain la sampai habis season. Bukan apa, kat FB tu aku tengok, ramai yang datang tu, macam-macam diorang mintak upgrade, dari parking, toilet, sampai la performance team atas padang tu sendiri. Dan tak salah pun benda yang diorang mintak tu. Betul la tu mintak upgrade untuk keselesaan ramai. Yang tak manis tu, lepas kena belasah dengan Selangor hari tu, dah ada yang suruh ramai-ramai ni boikot game Nismilan lepas ni.

Sebagai pemegang season pass 4 musim berturut-turut, meh sini den koba sikit: 

EKAU TAK NAK DATANG STADIUM, ITU IKUT SUKO EKAU, TAKDO SAPO NAK HALANG. TAPI JANGAN SESEKALI EKAU AJAK BOIKOT, TAKDO SAPO YANG UNTUNG NANTI.

Macam aku cakap, aku faham korang sakit hati tengok game hari tu. Taktik Nidzam Jamil memang out malam tu, lagi-lagi bila Alex tak boleh main, kita dah tak ada playmaker langsung. Jadi kita memang tak ada control dekat midfield. Wingbacks kita malam tu pun performance memang out. Tapi, bila korang ajak boikot game ni, yang ruginya bukan setakat team Nismilan tu, tapi kita yang jadi penyokong ni sekali. Kenapa?

Senang cerita la kan, Nismilan ni takde putera raja yang pam duit dalam team macam hari esok. Jadi sumber kewangan kita ni memang kena dibina secara organik. Satu benda aku puji management sekarang ni adalah diorang mampu menarik ramai penaja kalau nak dibandingkan dengan management lama. Tapi duit penaja je tak cukup. Kena la penyokong datang ramai-ramai penuhkan stadium supaya boleh tambahbaik kewangan team.

Sifir mudah, kita anggap la satu tiket tu RM20. Hari tu punya attendance 25500. Jadi, kiralah, 20 darab dengan 25500 berapa? Bandingkan dengan season lepas, nak dapat 500 orang pun semput. 20 darab 500 pulak berapa?

Ada pulak yang aku nampak komplen, sampai bila nak management nak ulang guna perkataan "proses"? OK aku tolong sikit dekat sini. Rajinkan diri cari game Football Manager, tak kisah tahun berapa, 2022 ke atas pun dah OK. Lepas tu, kau start game baru, jadi coach Nismilan. Main la dalam 5 season gitu. Perhatikan berapa attendance korang kat home setiap game, lepas tu korang check berapa income korang dapat daripada attendance je dekat bahagian finances. Upgrade apa segala training facilities, youth facilities tu, dan try sambar player yang power, tak kisah la import ke local. 

Lepas tu, kau bukak editor, tukar average attendance Nismilan ni jadi, tak perlu full house pun, cukup dalam 30000 gitu (full house Paroi dalam game ni masih 40000), start game baru, ulang balik sama macam dekat atas. Mana yang buat korang lagi senang nak buat upgrade, dapat player bagus semua tu?

Apa kaitan main Football Manager dengan "proses"? Kat sini la aku nak tunjuk, kelajuan proses nak upgrade team ni, ada kaitan dengan penyokong jugak. Step paling simple nak tolong team, kita penuhkan stadium setiap home game, biar duit tu terus masuk. Sama la macam korang nak beli iPhone baru. Mana lagi senang, bila gaji RM2500 ke, bila gaji RM5000? Dua-dua pun boleh je nak beli, tapi bila gaji lagi besar mesti lagi cepat korang boleh sambar, kan? Kalau kau bosan dengan perkataan "proses" yang management duk ratib tu, datang la ke stadium. Dalam tu, kau nak maki ke, duduk diam ke, nak chant ke, tak nak chant ke, berselfie dari start sampai awal ke, terpulang pada kau, asalkan kau dah beli tiket.

Lagipun, takkan korang tak nak pastikan kita kalahkan team lain semua bab kehadiran ke stadium ni? Takkan dah nak mengalah? Kita Nismilan, tunjukkan kita boleh terus sokong sampai team kita kantoi palsukan dokumen pemain 'warisan' akhir hayat kita semua. Kita konsisten penuhkan stadium, mudah lagi sepatutnya management untuk perbaiki apa yang patut dengan team kita ni. Kita buat bahagian kita, lagi ada hak nak maki sebenarnya kalau diorang gagal dengan bahagian diorang.

Untuk yang dah tak nak datang tu, aku hormati keputusan korang. Dan sebenarnya kalau boikot ramai-ramai ni, lagi memudahkan aku nak keluar masuk stadium, lepas tu duduk dekat port biasa aku yang dah kena conquer dengan orang yang masuk pukul 6.30 tu. Tapi, yang ni, aku sorang je yang untung. Nismilan tak untung langsung. Jadi aku rela bersesak ni supaya kalau aku ada anak nanti, Nismilan boleh jadi kitorang punya kebanggaan. Tak nak datang, takpe, tapi jangan menghasut yang lain.

Jom penuhkan stadium sampai habis season. Sorak atau maki, maki atau sorak, kita buat dekat STAR of Paroi. Tuntut kemenangan setiap game, dan kita bantu team jadikan Paroi ni kubu kebal kita sekali lagi.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Divaldo Alves' Manchester United Job Application


Dear Mr Glazer

It is I, Divaldo Alves, tactical genius. I am writing this letter to you for the purpose of applying for the job of manager for your club, Manchester United.

Now, I hear you saying, "But Mr Alves, we already told you to bugger off the last time, simply because you don't have what it takes to manage at this level. Why do you think you can do better than that Scottish idiot David Moyes? And were you not sacked by your last club?". Well, this is where you are mistaken. It is obvious that your club is in dire need of a tactical mastermind such as myself, since David Moyes did such a terrible job. How can one only pick up 6 points and 6 goals against the league's top 7, in which 4 of the points came against Arsenal? Add to the fact that Liverpool, Manchester City, and Everton did the double over you. Everton!. In my time as manager of Negeri Sembilan, we have never lost by more than 2 goals, an indication of my tactical ingenuity, and we certainly picked up more than a point against our rivals. Sadly, genius is never appreciated during its time, which is why my time with them was short.

To further stress my qualities, thanks to my efforts, Negeri Sembilan will be playing in a new league next season. Did your Moyes do that? Of course not, he can't even get you to the very prestigious Europa League, where you can travel to the hidden cities in Europe. I was also able to solve the problem of this misfiring striker we had, and once that was done, we were back in the scoring business. At this stage of the season in our league, we certainly would not be challenging for the AFC Cup. Instead, we were after better things, such as competing in a more competitive league (in my opinion). If this has not shown my capabilities, then I don't know what will.

Furthermore, I was questioned as to why I do not play youngsters during my time. It is ridiculous. Everyone knows you don't win anything with kids. That was why I insisted on playing the oldies, because of their experience. Never mind the fact that some of them clearly cannot play the full game anymore. If I were to manage your club, Ryan Giggs will start every match as a captain, and Zaha and Januzaj will be sold to some 3rd division club in Ukraine. Also, in spirit of Asian solidarity, I will give your star playmaker who wears the shirt number 26, Park Ji-Sung, a more prominent role in the squad. Unfortunately, due to Moyes' stupidity, Nemanja Vidic will be leaving your club, which is why I will be contacting Gary Pallister and see if he would like to be the main defender from next season.

I will be waiting for your answer. Which will definitely be 'yes', since no sane person would turn down a genius such as me

Geniusly yours,
Divaldo Alves

Monday, April 14, 2014

Furious Storm (Part 1)

Night falls on HMS Mariner Venture. The ship's crew gets set for a shift change, allowing those on the day shift to get a well-earned rest. They've been on the rescue mission for quite some time now, but they still have not seen any sign of the shipwreck.

First Officer Robert Martin heads down to the dining hall, looking forward to Fajita Friday. A hot, piping batch is served just as he enters the dining hall. Grabbing a plate and taking what he needs, he settles down at a table at the corner. The rest of the crew know well enough by now that whenever he picks that table, he wants to be left alone with his thoughts. A lot of things run through his mind, but the most prominent of all - he just wants to go home, back to seeing his family and friends, with this being his final involvement with the navy. Though he likes the regimented lifestyle, he figured it is time to lead a normal life, with a professional job. He starts eating his fajitas, and before he knows it, he's cleaned off the whole plate.

Two weeks later...

The crew on board HMS Mariner Venture are getting excited. They just spotted a huge debris field of what they believe to be of the missing ocean cruiser, the Majestic Hope. All the rescue equipment has been put on standby, waiting for the command to be deployed. After getting the clearance, the equipment is deployed, hoping to find survivors, although they know any chance of that is very slim.

"Hey, is that a guy over there?"

Private Russell Lane's shout got the attention of some of the rescuers. Quickly, a couple of speedboats change their course to the location Lane pointed out. Sure enough, they found a man on one of the floating debris. Unfortunately, he was long gone. The rescuers retrieve him from the debris, and put him in a body bag. For a few hours, they scoured the area, and with the help of other ships that joined the rescue mission, they recovered most of the bodies of the victims of the wreck.

Lane's crew arrive on deck, together with the bodies they recovered. Robert helps them carry the bodies to a holding section. After finishing the task, he got a little curious.

"Mind if I look at the bodies?" he asks the ship doctor.

"Not really, just don't contaminate them any further" is the reply.

He runs through their faces one by one. Whatever emotion he has while looking at the faces, he keeps it hidden really well. Then, he stops at one of them, taking a long, hard look at the face. It is of a man, who is of similar age as Robert himself. Slowly, Robert breaks into a smile and whispers...

"Finally. It's been years, but you're finally dead. What took you so long?"

To be continued...

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Divaldo Alves' Application Letter For The Manchester United Job


Dear Mr Glazer

It is I, Divaldo Alves, tactical genius. I am writing this letter to you for the purpose of applying for the job of manager for your club, Manchester United.

Now, I hear you saying, "But Mr Alves, we already have a manager. Why on earth do we need you? And were you not sacked by your last club?". Well, this is where you are mistaken. It is obvious that your club is in dire need of a tactical mastermind such as myself, since David Moyes seems to be doing a terrible job. How can one pick up only 1 point and 1 goal against 3 of your rivals? Add to the fact that you lost 4-1 to Manchester City. In my time as manager of Negeri Sembilan, we have never lost by more than 2 goals, an indication of my tactical ingenuity, and we certainly picked up more than a point against our rivals. Sadly, genius is never appreciated during its time, which is why my time with them was short.

To further stress my qualities, thanks to my efforts, Negeri Sembilan will be playing in a new league next season. Can your Moyes do that? Of course not. I was also able to solve the problem of this misfiring striker we had, and once that was done, we were back in the scoring business. At this stage of the season in our league, we certainly would not be challenging for the Europa League. Instead, we were after better things, such as competing in a more competitive league (in my opinion). If this has not shown my capabilities, then I don't know what will.

Furthermore, I was questioned as to why I do not play youngsters during my time. It is ridiculous. Everyone knows you don't win anything with kids. That was why I insisted on playing the oldies, because of their experience. Never mind the fact that some of them clearly cannot play the full game anymore. If I were to manage your club, Ryan Giggs will start every match as a captain, and Zaha and Januzaj will be sold to some 3rd division club in Ukraine. Also, in spirit of Asian solidarity, I will give your star playmaker who wears the shirt number 26, Park Ji-Sung, a more prominent role in the squad.

And yes, while I realize that Moyes engineered a win over Liverpool last night, it is a feat which is expected from any manager really. Which is why I will be taking over, since he already lost the first time around.

I will be waiting for your answer. Which will definitely be 'yes', since no sane person would turn down a genius such as me

Geniusly yours,
Divaldo Alves

Thursday, September 12, 2013

J.A.N.G - Mangkuk Botingkek

Jang!!
Mangkukmu botingkek tingkek 5x
Den nak layan pun dah ponek

Koba nak gi rayo
Torpakso tunggu lamo
Tunggu oghang tompi takdo
Ekau pulak nak mongado
Den balik bilik ekau takdo
Takdo koba poie mano
Elok ekau balik Kolumpo
Dah la tak ghoti tutup lampu

Mangkukmu botingkek tingkek (7x)
Den nak layan pun dah ponek

Koba nak gi rayo
Torpakso tunggu lamo
Tunggu oghang tompi takdo
Ekau pulak nak mongado
Den balik bilik ekau takdo
Takdo koba poie mano
Elok ekau balik Kolumpo
Dah la tak ghoti tutup lampu

Mangkukmu botingkek tingkek
Den nak layan memang ponek
Baik den duk kek Bongek
Lopeh tu drive ko Gomeh
Jangan kito nyusahkan oghang
Tak kiro samo milah ko jang
Nanti kito gak yang susah
Apo kito nak jawab kaghang?

Ekau jangan solalu suko-suko
Tak lamo nanti borduko
Mari kito poie rayo
Boleh jumpo kawan baghu
Jangan malu nak tanyo namo
Nanti boleh lepak samo-samo
Ado satu den nak mintak tolong
Dah bosa nanti kito semuo jangan dilupo

Sosal komudian takdo guno
Den ghaso mombazir maso
Tolong boli tiket tuk ekau
Tompi ekau lari maso rayo
Ekau buek den paneh
Darah den dah mondidih
Den nak koba satu bondo
Ekau memang mangkuk tingkek

Mangkukmu botingkek tingkek 7x
Den nak layan pun dah ponek

Okay esey on
ekau pun on
Tengok sapo laie champion
Meh kito poie pantai
Sapo monang monyolam (you're on!)

Ekau hari hari poie gym
Lopeh tu nak tunjuk body
Ekau jangan jobo bona
Kalau ekau tak nak bolaja

Nismilan susah nak monang
Takpo Pialo Malaysia kito pogang
Biar musuh kito bongang
Bilo tengok pialo Tok Mat julang

You're in The State of Nine, that blog of mine
Makin parodies ain't a crime
Den suko mo JB
Tompi bukan si ponyanyi
Meh sini den kobakan
Jenson Button la, sapo laie
Milah jangan la monangih
Bilo den koba dio tak ghoti nyanyi
Somban waghih representin
& everyone knows who runs it
This aint about me this about the city
Jangan kito lupo asal usul
Bilo dah borjayo jangan jobo
Nanti oghang tinggalkan ekau
Kawan pun dah lari samo
Up down kito samo
Jangan ditolak topi, kito rugi
Tak payah duk koja milah
Last last kojo kutip sampah
Hujung minggu lepak Pilah
Samo-samo layan shisha
Lepak dongan kawan, best what!

Tak salah koja ghoto
Boli apo ekau suko
Tompi kalau duit ekau takdo
Takyah boli kot tak mampu

Budak sokaghang sumo nak sonang
Tak nak koluar wang
Bilo dio dah boghutang
Dio pulak salahkan oghang

Mangkukmu botingkek tingkek 7x
Den nak layan pun dah ponek

Haha
Jang
Ekau yang terpilih

Sunday, May 19, 2013

How Divaldo Alves' Day Went





TIME : Approximately 24 hours before kick-off
Huh. So PBNS have decided to put me on gardening leave ahead of tomorrow's clash against ATM. As if that's gonna do the team any good. The players haven't been playing that well anyway. Putting a local coach in charge? Like that's gonna make any difference. The team will lose tomorrow, and soon they will be all "oh great tactical genius Divaldo, please come back, we were wrong to drop you". And then I will be like, "You fools! You dare drop me, Divaldo Alves, in the idiotic thought that you might actually get a win? Now bow down to me and admit my tactical genius!"

TIME : 20 minutes before kick-off
Wait, no Marlon in the ATM lineup? No matter, they will win anyway, since this new guy is putting players out of position and will end up looking like a fool at the end of the game

TIME : 2nd minute
Holy crap, the jinx actually scored? This is not going according to plan at all. If Negeri win they will forget all about me and love the new guy. No matter, the team can't hold on to a lead for long anyway

TIME : Whenever it was that Hairuddin equalised
BOOM! Told ya! The team will never break their no-win streak. Not as long as I am around. Divaldo Alves, tactical genius!

TIME : Nazrin's goal
What the hell is going on? Nazrin scored? That kid always thought hitting the post counted as extra points. Maybe the new coach confused him into actually scoring? Witchcraft, definitely

TIME : Half-time (ATM 1-2 N9)
Okay, Divaldo, okay. There's still 45 minutes to go. ATM can win this for sure even without Hairuddin in the team and I can have my job back. The team could not win with I, tactical master Divaldo Alves, so what chance do they have with the new guy?

TIME : 60th minute
This is getting nervy. Since when do they know how to hold on to a lead?

TIME : 75th minute
With these substitutions the new guy made it clearly shows he doesn't know what he's doing. What more with players out of their positions. I can definitely see ATM getting 2 quick goals, and me getting my job back

TIME : 85th minute 
ATM JUST SCORE A DAMN GOAL FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!

TIME : Full-time (ATM 1-2 N9)
This is definitely not what I had in mind. It was I, Divaldo Alves, the tactical genius who was supposed to engineer a first win for the team this season and be hailed as a hero by the masses. Instead, a random newbie did it and the fans already love him. They were supposed to love me! Also, those glasses make him look stupid. Clearly I have a better fashion sense. I'd go to NS Betaria and ruin them, but they already did that to themselves. What next for me, you ask? I think the Everton job is available...