News of the Future - Balotelli for Prime Minister

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STAR of Paroi - The Hallowed Turf

recently global virus epidemic that reduces the IQ points of female teenagers by several bajillion celebrity Justine Bieber went to Stamford Bridge for a kickaround. not only did it pollute the pitch, it also disrespected the players who are way older and more experienced than it

this got me thinking, what if it came to STAR of Paroi? better yet, what if some douchebags came to STAR of Paroi? what would I do to them? here's a list I came up with

Justine Bieber - launch into a two-footed tackle on it. the stamp its head while it's down, crying

George W Bush - slide tackle, hit my studs to his nuts

whichever Kardashian that had a short marriage - eat 'Roller Coaster' while wearing a Kris Humphreys jersey

Lewis Hamilton - karate-kick his back after getting myself launched by Felipe Massa

Mario Balotelli - distract him with fireworks and Maseratis before giving him a nerve pinch

the linesman that cost us a win against Newcastle - get a pair of glasses and focus the Sun's rays into his eyes

the 'untouchable' footballer - all punishments against Bieber, Bush and Hamilton combined

So9 Exclusive : Api Kemarahan Tok Mat

Harga tiket final Piala Malaysia 2011 telah ditetapkan pada RM50, dan keputusan ini telah menimbulkan kemarahan para peminat Negeri Sembilan dan Terengganu. Presiden PBNS/MB Negeri Sembilan, DSU Mohamad Hassan juga marah terhadap tindakan tersebut. Kami di ‘State of Nine’ membayangkan lawatan Tok Mat ke Jawatankuasa Pertandingan Tempatan FAM berjalan seperti ini...

Mohamad : Oi Midin! Meh sini jap!

Hamidin : Apa hal lak ni...Azudin, tolong tengok siapa tu

Azudin : Alamak, tu Mohamad Hassan la!

Hamidin : Siapa?

Azudin : Presiden PBNS la bro

Hamidin : PB...NS? Apa tu?

Azudin : Kau ingat Liga Malaysia ni ada Selangor je ke? Aku pun hardcore gak tapi takde la sampai tak tahu team lain

Hamidin : Diam la kau. Suruh dia masuk

Mohamad : Midin! Aku nak tahu satu ni je. Kenapa bila kau naikkan harga tiket, kau libatkan PBNS dengan PBSNT? Kitorang takde kena-mengena pun pasal naik harga tiket tu

Hamidin : Apa lak takde kena-mengena? Korang dah ada hantar wakil hari tu kan?

Mohamad : Siapa lak nama diorang tu?

Hamidin : Err...Hazudin dengan Amidin. Takde pertalian darah antara kitorang

Mohamad : Mengarut benar la. Aku dah kira-kira, PBNS rugi sebab nak tanggung kos RM20 untuk setiap tiket. Ingat kitorang semua bodoh ke apa? Kitorang tahu la yang naik RM50 tu sebab nak tanggung pembiayaan 'Misi 33' korang tu untuk tahun depan

Hamidin : Kau jangan nak tuduh bukan-bukan. Kalau tak puas hati sangat, boikot je la final tu nanti. Ni kan negara demokrasi, korang buat je la apa yang korang nak

Mohamad : Camtu lak...ok, kau yang paksa aku ni. Mario!

Hamidin : Mario mana lak ni?

Mohamad : Balotelli. Aku nak dia ajar korang cukup-cukup!

Hamidin : Apa? Balotelli? Tolong jangan! Ok, ok, aku tak libatkan persatuan korang berdua lagi. Tapi jangan panggil dia tu!

Balotelli : Too late. I've already parked my Maserati in your bedroom. And your kitchen is on fire too, thanks  to those fireworks I set off. The fire may spread to your secret money room as well

Hamidin : (menangis)

Mohamad : That's enough Mario, I think he's learnt his lesson. Now stop torturing him

Balotelli : Then you might not wanna hear the part where I drove his cars into female prisons in Italy 

rafney87's Friday Rage List

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH I AM RAFNEY87 AND HERE IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK!!!

1. BALOTELLI SAYING THAT CITY'S STRIKEFORCE IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD - I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE GETS THAT CRAP! IF THEY HAVE THE BEST STRIKEFORCE WHY ARE THEY NOT IN FIRST PLACE? HE IS JUST AN IGNORANT KID WHO DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING! MAYBE HE DRANK SOME PAINT THINNER, BUT THAT'S MY THING! AAAHHHH, GET YOUR OWN M.O!!!

2. HAVING TO WEAR FULL UNIFORMS ON WEDNESDAYS - THIS IS RIDICULOUS! THE GOVERNMENT ALREADY LET US WEAR SCHOOL T-SHIRTS ON WEDNESDAYS! WHY DOES THE PRINCIPAL HAVE TO MESS EVERYTHING UP? THIS REMINDS ME OF THE TIME WHEN I TRIED TO CROSS-BREED LLAMAS AND LIONS! BELIEVE ME, IT WAS UGLY!

3. GOING HOME AT 2 PM ON SATURDAYS - AGAIN THE PRINCIPAL IS TRYING TO SCREW US UP! IT'S A SATURDAY, FOR GOD'S SAKE! LET US REST ON THE WEEKEND BY LETTING US GO HOME EARLY! WE ARE ALREADY TIRED FROM TRYING TO LAUNCH ROCKETS IN THE SCIENCE LAB, OR GETTING HIGH FROM INHALING SULPHUR IN THE CHEMISTRY LAB! AAAHHH, IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I WANT TO DROPKICK AN OVEN INTO THE ORBIT OF THE ISS!

4. VEGETABLES - I DON'T KNOW WHY I HATE THEM, BUT I DO! MOST LIKELY BECAUSE THEY TASTE LIKE DARTH MAUL'S BLOOD AFTER OBI-WAN SLICED HIM IN HALF IN 'THE PHANTOM MENACE'! AND DON'T ASK ME WHERE I GOT HIS BLOOD FROM! IT DIDN'T EVEN TASTE LIKE VINTAGE PAINT THINNER!

5. RAFAEL'S DISCIPLINARY HEARING - THE FA ARE A BUNCH OF ARROGANT TWITS! WHAT RAFAEL DID WAS TOTALLY JUSTIFIED! AT LEAST THE REFEREE WAS STILL STANDING AFTER HE SENT OFF RAFAEL! IF IT WAS ME, I WOULD'VE KICKED HIM IN THE GUT LIKE ZLATAN IBRAHIMOVICH DOES! AND THEN MAYBE DROPKICKING HIM IN THE NECK AND HEADBUTT HIM ON THE CHEST!

6. THE 'PONING MONING' CAPTION IN 'THE GEORGIAN 09/10' - THAT WAS JUST AWFUL! EVERYONE IN THE WORLD KNOWS THAT NOBODY IN NEGERI SEMBILAN SPEAKS LIKE THAT! IT MAKES THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THE CAPTION LOOK LIKE TOTAL IDIOTS! WHICH THEY ARE! AT LEAST PUT SOMETHING LIKE 'MY BRAIN IS EXPLODING' OR 'I HATE THIS BIEBER MUSIC'! JUSTIN BIEBER IS NOT AS GOOD AS BUNKFACE! EVERYONE KNOWS BUNKFACE SHOULD AT LEAST WIN A FEW GRAMMY AWARDS BY NOW! BUT THE FAT AND SLOBBY AMERICANS ARE BIASED AGAINST ASIAN TALENT!

7. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOUR DANISH WAN - I WAS TRYING TO CROSS-BREED ALPACAS AND TIGERS ON THURSDAY IN MY BACKYARD WHEN MY NEIGHBOUR DANISH WAN AND HIS TWO GOOBER BROTHERS CAME BY FOR A VISIT! HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GET A BURGER WITH HIM! I SAID 'SURE' BUT I SAID IT IN A TONE SO THAT HE UNDERSTANDS THAT I WILL USE HIM FOR CROSS-BREEDING WITH IMPALAS! HOWEVER, HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT, AND I ENDED UP GETTING THAT BURGER WITH HIM! I REGRETTED IT SINCE, AS THE PLACE DID NOT HAVE PAINT THINNER FOR SAUCE AND MY CROSS-BREEDING PROJECT FAILED AS THE TIGERS ATE ALL THE ALPACAS! NOW I'M STUCK WITH SOME MOSQUITOES AND A COUPLE OF TURTLES!

I AM RAFNEY87 AND THIS HAS BEEN MY FRIDAY RAGE LIST! GOD BLESS!!!